The One About No Bother

When my sister was young, she was an adventurer and I was extremely boring. I heard the door go late on and then the bathroom door go, so I thought something was going on. Went into the bathroom and my sister was on the floor pouring with blood from her hand. Pouring. No one needs blood on an avocado green carpet. We got it under the tap and wrapped and I said, What the fuck is this mess?

And she said, casually, A lad in the pub tried to glass the waitress with a pint, so I got in between and grabbed the glass before it got to her face. I said, you did What? And my sister said Of course, not going to let him glass her in the face, am I? It was the 90s in the North so other bar etiquette applied.

I said to her you grabbed a smashed pint glass to the face and then took him down? She said Yes. No bother.

No bother?? You’re in slashes here and she said So what?

Often, I think about my sister grabbing that glass and raging down a lad who did not know what he was taking on. When you take on my sister, apart from heavy armoury, and possibly a mortar rocket, no chance. Her hand was ruined, obviously, but there’s still a very pretty bartender out there.

My sister is tiny compared to me. I am the giant of the family at 5’5’’. They have size 3 feet - what is that? But never start with No Bother. A world of pain awaits.