The One About The Leprosy Breakfast
When Mr I & I are lucky enough to travel, it’s like a rule that we have to volunteer at something as well. We were once in a temple in Udaipur and there was a kitchen beside and a lot of very unhappy people sitting on the floor. I said to the guardian, What’s going on here and he said, it’s the breakfast for people with leprosy, and I said to Mr I, Come on, let’s get in and give a hand up here. Only about 20 people.
So because it’s a temple, you all wash your hands and feet together before a meal, and Mr I said, You’ve given me leprosy. I said, Leprosy doesn’t work like that. You haven’t got leprosy. I have 100% got leprosy. No, you have not.
We had such a lovely breakfast. Dhal and chapattis. People wanting to touch my hair. Have at it. Three strands and a broken one, all yours. Mr I & I are outstandingly and unfortunately pasty white and fair-haired but you can’t help that at the best of times. I have very odd grey eyes and they fascinate people on occasion. They’re just eyeballs, I was born with them. And I was sitting on the floor with people who are reviled and stoned in the street, reduced to almost nothing by a disease that just happens to you, so much to the point where they have entitled tourist assholes like me to serve them a ten pence breakfast. There I was thinking about how I could wish to do more, be more for them, and I looked around and everyone was so happy. We had such fun. Lousy with leprosy, but so delighted with our stupid English breakfast service. Zero shared language, just sign language and a shared little lentil breakfast, served with dignity and not like ladled slops in Angola SuperMax.
When we left, Mr I said, Please tell me I haven’t got leprosy. I said, for the fifth time, you haven’t got leprosy. I’ve so got leprosy. You have not.
So when everything goes to shit, which is does, frequently, and some idiot tells you to make lemonade. Up yours, get back to your baby instagram. When life goes to shit, Mr I says, Is this the Leprosy Breakfast again? Yep, sometimes life is one great big Leprosy Breakfast.